Adoption Myth #1
A Birth-Mother will regret the decision for the rest of her life.
Fact: Birth-Mothers, who have placed understand adoption is a loving decision. They know that they have given their baby a stable future with a loving family that THEY got to CHOOSE. Birth-Mothers live the rest of their lives knowing they’ve given their baby the gift of life.
Many women face issues that can affect their ability to parent their baby at unexpected times in their lives. There are many reasons why a birth-mother may choose to place their baby or child for adoption. Making an adoptive placement IS a parenting decision; it is not you “giving up” your baby nor is it abandoning your baby. YOU, the birth-mother, guide and have direct input in YOUR adoption plan. This means that YOU, the birth-mother, can choose YOUR adoptive family, YOU direct how much openness and contact YOU have or want with the adoptive family during your pregnancy, as well as the extent of contact and communication you would like after placement. Most birth-mothers elect to receive letters and pictures as updates and can continue such communication throughout the child’s life. It’s best to select an adoption entity, whether it be a private placement adoption attorney or agency, that supports open communication within the triad and addresses your understanding of the process and your personal expectations post placement. You have options. YOU can choose THE family YOU feel meets your preferences and has the attributes and parenting skills YOU desire for your child. The right adoption entity recognizes your desire to enter an adoption plan and helps you think things through in order to ensure your decision is a well thought out and grounded in love and selflessness; putting what YOU feel is in your baby or child’s best interest; eve if it means you placing your baby’s needs over the wants of your own heart. No matter what YOUR reason, you have choices and giving your child the gift of life is the greatest gift you can give to your child. Placing a child for adoption is not an easy decision and comes with a lot of emotions – none of which is easy, particularly when your hormones are in flux after having given birth- however, viewed in a positive light, these emotions are normal and make you human.
Birth-mothers are the most courageous women I know. There is not a day that goes by that a birth-mother doesn’t think of the child she has placed for adoption. While certainly a birth-mother may experience sadness in letting go, or question the circumstances leading her to make such a difficult decision however, knowing that YOU have your hand in choosing the adoptive parent(s) for your baby and, factoring in the relationship you develop with your adoptive family, can help YOU, the birth-mother cope with difficult emotions. While you may not know at first whether you may want letters and pictures, your adoption entity can still collect them for you and provide them to you when or if you want them. These letters and pictures, while you think they may bring you sadness, can be a source of comfort; an otherwise gift of reassurance that your child is cherished, loved beyond measure, is happy, healthy and growing, all helping you to know that YOU have made a good and sound decision in selecting these person(s) as adoptive parents for your child which, goes a long way toward helping to instill feelings of pride, self-worth and joy.
Sometimes life takes us in certain directions for a time, a season or a reason. Sometimes we may not be happy about the situation that has brought us to make certain decisions in our lives, but this does not equate to regret. In speaking to many birth-moms, their greatest joy is in knowing that they had choices and chose life for their baby and, in so doing, set him or her on their life’s journey, believing and knowing in their heart- as a mom- they made this decision out of love.
Become informed about your options when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Make sure you have all the information you need before making one of the most important decisions of your life. We believe that knowledge and choice is empowering.
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For over 20 years I’ve been helping Birth-Mothers and adoptive families through this process. If your feeling overwhelmed or just want to discuss what your options are you can call me or text me anytime at 954-270-2787 or go to my website www.ellenkaplanadoptions.com
Ellen M Kaplan
I have been a practicing attorney since 1991. I am a member in good standing with the Florida Bar. I am Board Certified in Florida Adoption law, sit on the Florida Board Certification Committee on Adoption law, a Fellow of the prestigious Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys, and serve on the Board of the Florida Adoption Council. My services include domestic private placement adoptions (newborn, infants, toddlers, older children, siblings, multiples), step-parent and relative adoptions, adult adoptions, individual birth mother representation, domestication of foreign judgments of adoption, litigation of contested adoptions, Department of Children and Families (DCF) Interventions, Agency and Intermediary legal defense representation, and Surrogacy. In addition to being an attorney, I’m also a registered nurse who has worked extensively in the field of labor and delivery.