Dispelling A Myth About Adoption


A recent, and probably common, comment on social media about adoption raised eyebrows regarding how some women feel about the particular parenting choice. Yes, I said parenting choice because that is exactly what adoption is. However, some may agree with the said notion, “Adoption is an alternative to parenting, not pregnancy, whereas abortion is an alternative to pregnancy.” Let’s break down a thing or two, cite quotes from a real birth mother and dispel this misconception with the truth about choosing adoption.


Simply put, mothers have a constitutional right to direct the care of their offspring. Choosing adoption is a self-sacrificing parenting form which represents undying love and selflessness. Although it’s understood why some women would believe otherwise, adoption serves as a safe option for unplanned, and sometimes unwanted, pregnancies. Adoption is not an easy way out for mothers who “don’t feel like parenting”, but otherwise a beautiful way to give life when the circumstances aren’t necessarily ideal. A career, extensive schooling, financial barricades, lack of birth control and endless other factors can lead to a mother choosing adoption for her baby. No mother, who is thinking beyond her desires and goals in order to choose what is best for her child, deserves to be mom-shamed. To each their own, but becoming knowledgeable in the process and educating yourself and others on the truth of adoption may help put some common misconceptions to rest.


For example, one year ago a young birth mother named Alycia found herself struggling and confused about her future with her two young children. Alycia was at a point in her life where she was unable to find stable housing, struggling with relationships and in between jobs. Although words could never describe her infinite love toward both of her babies, she knew deep within her soul that she wasn’t able to provide the care they desperately required at that time. “I was mostly scared and nervous” she explains, when making her final decision of choosing adoption. Her choice wasn’t a cop-out, a walk through the park or an alternative to parenting but a deeply thought out and very well justified parenting choice. After being asked why she chose adoption and how things would differ today if she hadn’t, Alycia bravely admits “I chose a new family because as their mother I wanted them to thrive in the very best setting possible. If I didn’t go through with the adoption, I know I would question my kids’ safety and well being for the rest of their lives.” Today, Alycia continues to have a beautiful relationship with her children while also flourishing herself- an outcome that may not have come to pass without the option of adoption. Alycia is still, and will always be, the mother of her children and that is something special worth celebrating.


Take into account, too, that Alycia is just one of many birth mothers who have chosen adoption for their baby and still remain at peace with their parenting choice. Former birth mother, Shannon, responded to another outlandish comment which shamed adoption on social media “I am a mother who decided life for her child and she was adopted. Although the hurt it had on me, she is alive and has a family thanks to Ellen Kaplan. She [Ellen Kaplan] helped my daughter have a family when I couldn’t take care of her. Granted I think about her everyday but I have the comfort to know she is alive and thriving!” Tiffany, who chose adoption right at birth, explains “At one point I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to go through with it. There was no way I could take him home, but I knew I had to put the needs of my baby before the wants of my own.” Heartfelt and emotional responses, like these, could only derive from a loving mother’s heart who goes above and beyond for their child.


Adoption, being one of the most controversial topics today, can look different to each and every individual. However, social media, family members, news broadcasts and even television shows are all outlets for false representation of adoption. Misconception and fallacies are bound to come about, but take note of real birth mothers and their experience. Be weary of all choices and decisions. After all, adoption can best be described as a parenting choice that simply says “I love you!”


If you or someone you know is an expectant mother, and would like to get more information, you can contact me directly anytime at Mackena@ellenkaplanadoptions.com or visit our facebook help page   to get connected with us and other women in your shoes!