How Can I Cope After Choosing Adoption for My Child?

    You’ve just made one of the most self-sacrificing choices of your entire life- choosing adoption for your child. Endless amounts of concerning questions can flood one’s mind after such an emotional decision. Many mothers ask themselves, “How am I going to be ok after this?”, “When will I feel good again after choosing adoption?” and oftentimes “What are ways I can cope through the adoption process?”  Although not an easy journey, adoption can definitely be uplifting and rewarding in the long run regardless of how impossible it may seem at this point in time. You’ve already accomplished the most difficult task of the process, choosing  life for you and your child. Now allow yourself to practice a few simple steps to begin to cope with the adoption and start living the life you deserve to live. By giving yourself time to heal, surrounding yourself with support and tracking your personal growth you can lose all the heaviness you’ve been carrying and start to feel empowered!

 

            The first hours, days, weeks and sometimes months can feel like a lifetime to a mama in your shoes. Between all of the questions, emotions, doubt and uncertainty it may even feel like you’re always going to be stuck in a dark place. But, if you remember anything, remember this: you must give yourself ample time to heal. Although we wish we could snap our fingers and make everything better like some sort of Lifetime movie, that’s just not reality. However, dreams CAN come true if you give yourself the time. For many moms this could take a year or more, for some it may only take a month or two. One thing is for sure, though, you will get better. You can, and you will, heal. The worst thing you can do, regarding time, is give yourself a deadline to cope with your adoption. No mother is the same, no decision is easier than another and being patient with yourself can be key to coping with your adoption.

 

     On the other hand, creating a circle of family and peers to support you during the healing process is another huge step to positively dealing with your adoption. Thoughts may cross your mind to try and work through the adoption alone, but try not to grasp that logic. We are not meant to do life alone, and we are not meant to struggle alone. Find someone trustworthy to vent to or to explain the difficult feelings you’re experiencing. Take a leap of faith and join a local support group, or social media page, of women enduring the same challenges you are enduring. Hearing other stories, good and bad, can be enlightening and uplifting to a birth mother.

 

     Lastly we encourage you to take a step out, from what may be your typical comfort zone, and begin to log and track your success and personal development through your adoption journey. To some, journaling and daily or weekly writing can seem minute and unimportant. Look at it this way- what if you wake up one morning, weeks after the adoption, feeling upset and less than optimistic? Had you written or kept a journal from the beginning, you could flip back to an entry of a day in which you felt accomplished and fulfilled. You could read your very own experience, maybe from only a few days earlier, and possibly have a new outlook on the present day and change your mindset for the better. Also, think of how many other mothers are going through the exact same battle as you. There are thousands of mothers every year who choose adoption, so imagine how rewarding it could be to act as a mentor for someone else. Through your journaling, blogging or personal documentation you could share your adoption story and potentially touch hundreds of lives which could ultimately lead to your healing. How liberating!

 

     With all of this being said, each individual reacts and responds differently to coping mechanisms. Giving yourself time to heal, tracking your personal development and connecting yourself to a support group are just 3 simple suggestions for your path to success. We believe every mother deserves peace, happiness, fulfilment and purpose. Find out more information on our website or schedule to meet with one of our advocates who would love to answer more questions and provide more suggestions regarding adoption!      

     We are here to assist you in the continental  United States.

877-341-1309 direct text 954-270-2787 or email mackena@ellenkaplanadoptions.com  

      Our services include domestic private placement adoptions (newborn, infants, toddlers, older children, siblings, multiples), step-parent and relative adoptions, adult adoptions, individual birth mother representation, domestication of foreign judgments of adoption, litigation of contested adoptions, Department of Children and Families (DCF) Interventions, Agency and Intermediary legal defense representation, and Surrogacy.