Most birthmothers in an adoption plan seek some sort of post-adoption communication. Many adoptive parents today welcome continued communication with their child’s birthmother and/or birthfather whether it be through letters and pictures, through email, telephone calls or skyping or sometimes even through yearly visitation. Adoption savvy parents realize that post-adoption communication benefits not only their child but also the birthparents and themselves. When the child reaches the age and maturity to understand the concept of adoption, they often times want to know why they were adopted and if their birthparents loved them. With continued communication with the birthparents, the adoptive parents are often times able to show their child letters and pictures that may have been exchanged between themselves and the birthparents, a note from the birthparent to the child, or birthday cards to the child each year – little things that show the child their birthparents loved them and thought about them every day. All these little things help to strengthen the child’s identity and sense of self-worth. When a birthparent receives a communication from the adoptive parents it helps to reassure them that their child is happy, healthy and well loved. It also helps to reassure them that “the most heart-wrenching decision they ever had to make” was the right one for their child and that their child is flourishing. For the adoptive parents, post adoption communication allows them to know how the birthparents are doing, where they are living, and whether or not they have other children who may be full or half-siblings to their child. It is an avenue for the adoptive parents to learn about any new health issues that have come up that may affect their child in the future and to learn more family medical history should a medical crisis occur or a doctor need more information on the family medical history in order to make a diagnosis. And, lastly, if you maintain good post-adoption communication with the birthparents, they may consider coming back to you as prospective adoptive parents should the birthparents find themselves in a similar position; were they to consider adoption again.
Adoption is no longer a secret. In today’s world, the identity of the birthparents is often times known to the adoptive parents and the child. Post-adoption communication can be a win-win for all involved in the adoption process. The child gets to grow up knowing who his or her birthparents are, why adoption was chosen for them and even has the opportunity to reconnect with their biological family at a later date. For the birthparents, they get to know where their child is, how their child is doing and not feel like they sent their child out into an unknown universe never to be heard from again. And for the adoptive parents, if gives them the opportunity to give a gift of knowledge back to both the birthparents and their child. So, to all adoptive parents: embrace post-adoption communication. And to birthparents: be clear with your adoption agency or adoption attorney your level of desire for post-adoption communication and ask to be matched specifically with prospective adoptive parents that share your desired level.
For more information on post-placement communication, please feel free to call or text Attorney Kaplan at (954) 270-2787.